


this is where we're starting

by BitsyDahlia



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: AU, First Kiss, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, I think it has to be considered underage since Stiles is seventeen, M/M, One Shot, a small amount of angst, mention of phsicological therapy, no 5th season madness here, post season 4B, really just an excuse to put those two together for good
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-30
Updated: 2016-12-30
Packaged: 2018-09-13 04:38:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9106930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BitsyDahlia/pseuds/BitsyDahlia
Summary: This is the story of how Derek and Stiles kissed for the first time.(Post season 4 without considering what happens in season 5 - In which Derek comes back instead of being MIA with Braeden, sticks around to help the pack, he finally gets help from actual specialists, and the results are showing.)





	

**Author's Note:**

> Never wrote something like that in my whole life so idk how it is since I didn't even read it twice but I was inspired and thought ''wtf I gotta write it till i'm high'' so here it is, hope you enjoy & if you've got something to say please comment!  
> LOVE YA'LL GUYS HAVE A HAPPY (early) NEW YEAR!

                                                               
  
  
  
                                                                                       _ **This is where we're starting**_

 

The first time Stiles and Derek kiss is during a chilly night in October, several months after their (hopefully) last mission in Mexico.  
  
They've been busy almost all day with a noisy revolt of the usually quiet Kelpies living inside the lake near the old Hale house. Fortunately, nothing too bloody and lethal this time around. Just a broken wrist for Scott and a concussion for Malia (both on their way for a fast recovery, thank you were-DNA), a couple of bruises for Lydia and a small even if nasty looking gash on Derek's shoulder. Nothing that was going to compromise their following school day.  
  
They've decided to leave Liam and Kira respectively as spectator and back-up, and in the end, Kira turned out to be usefull as car driver as well.  
  
So while Kira took Scott, Lydia, and Liam with her on a trip to the McCall house (where Melissa was waiting with a first aid and cups of hot tea ready for them), Stiles stubbornly insisted on driving Derek home, since the man refused to receive medical treatments (''It's just a scratch, the others need it more then I do'').   
  
And Derek, after a long suffering eye roll and a dramatic sigh, let himself into the plastic covered passenger sit ( because blood on plastic is so much easier to wash off then blood on the actual car sit) of Stiles' Jeep.

Having Derek back is nice, even good, expecially for the pack as a unit. Derek keeps them in balance, somehow. The thing is, Derek is still the same but he's somewhat different (Stiles suspects the werewolf evolution hasn't much to do with it). And apparently, no one else noticed.    
  
I mean, he still spills blood on the inside of Stiles's car and squirms and huffs as the plastic makes noises. Derek still pretends the cut on his shoulder doesn't hurt and says that Stiles worries too much.  
  
But then he does something, usually a small and subtle thing that most of their friends don't notice at all but that Stiles always catches, that never fails to leave the boy with wide eyes and a lump in his stomach.  
   
Like when Derek makes small talks with Stiles about _freaking Kelpies_ and their _freaking mating rituals_  while driving back to the town.  
  
Or when Derek doesn't jumps out of the car the moment Stiles parks into the parking lot near the man's apartment, but instead waits for Stiles to kill the engine and asks him:  
  
"How do you feel?"  
  
And Stiles is still so not used to _this_ Derek he's always taken aback.  
  
Because since Derek came back from his post Mexico week-long trip with Braeden, talking and showing what resemble caring was slowly becoming a Derek thing. It's been a subtle development, a still acerbic progression, but Stiles saw it from the very beginning and still didn't see it coming. If it does makes sense.  
  
"Tired" is the only thing that comes out of his mouth, but his heartbeat or his smell must give him away because Derek frowns and only replies:  
  
"Come inside."  
  
Yeah, because the fact that Derek communicate on a different level with people doesn't mean he's prolix now.  
  
And Stiles is usually okay with it, with this extra Derek evolution.  
  
Except right now.   
  
Because he knows himself. He knows what he's like when he's beaten up and _tired_.  
  
He knows Derek is tired as well, maybe not in the same way as Stiles, but the boy knows how Derek's like when he's exausted, how his shoulders sag and his face turns pale. And Stiles knows how he acts around Derek when they're both like that, how they act around each other in such condition.  
  
What Stiles doesn't know is how things are going to be with the 'upgrade' Derek is getting. He doesn't knows what to expect from this ''come inside'' thing as well, because Stiles is pretty sure there's never been a "come inside" between them since ever and it makes him nervous.  
  
Derek must sense it, because he waits for Stiles and walks shoulder to shoulder with him untill they wordlessly reach the door step of Derek's apartment.  
  
They stay silent while Derek opens the door and leads the way inside. As Derek goes for the kitchen Stiles looks around the apartment, the new fornitures slightly lit by the sunset, but soon enough his gaze drifts to Derek's back, taking in the large shoulders and the massive blood stain that spreads from his left one towards the shoulder blades.  
  
"Must have cut some blood vessels", Derek provides as he reachs for a couple of glasses in a cupboard.  
  
"Maybe more than some", Stiles comments, slowly walking through the hall.  
  
Derek finds a bottle of water and fills both the glasses. "We've seen worse."  
  
The boy sighs. "Sure. Still looks like it could use a splash of disinfectant and a nice bandage tho."  
  
Derek turns around, a full glass in each hand. "I'll survive. Beside, it's already healing."  
  
Stiles can't help smirking. He cross his arm on his chest despite the unconfortable feeling of sweat drying on his back, and takes a couple of steps toward Derek.  
  
"It's nice to have your werewolf power back, isn't it?"  
  
Derek hands Stiles a glass and frowns slightly. "It is indeed. Even if it's not the same as before."  
  
At that, Stiles almost loses his grip on the glass. "Not the same? How come?", he manages.  
  
He feels like there's no spit left in his mouth and maybe Derek feels that too, because he narrows his eyes at Stiles and looks concerned at him.  
  
"Stiles. What's going on?"  
  
Oh, Stiles do not like the turn this conversation is taking.

"Dude, don't try to change the subject. We're talking about you now, not me."

Derek fixes Stiles with an accusatory glance.  
  
"I know you're trying to turn the table here but it's not going to work. What's going on?"

Stiles is so not ready for this. Therefore, to avoid saying things that can compromise him, after gaping hopelessly for a handful of seconds, Stiles starts drinking from the glass like his life depends on it.  
  
Derek watches him carefully, but can't refrain from raising an amused eyebrow.  
  
As Stiles gulps the last of the water he sighs loudly, long and deep, then puts the glass on the kitchen counter.  
  
"You know what, now I'm peach! I was dehydrated but now I'm good, see, I drank a full glass of water! I'm fine!"  
  
But Derek doesn't stop looking at him like Stiles bears the secrets of the universe on his shoulders. Or like he thinks Stiles is full of bullshit, the boy can't really guess, his heartbeat is pounding inside his ears and almost hushes his racing brain.  
  
Derek puts his untouched glass on the kitchen counter as well and takes a small step forward.  
  
"I know there's something bothering you."  
  
Stiles makes a small, constipated laugh that he instantly regrets. "That's a bit assuming of you but I do am tired as hell - and that's what your wolfy senses are picking."

"I'm not just talking about right now. It's been months."

Stiles's eyes widen comically and rapidly decides to escape the danger using his beloved sarcasm, even if laughing is the last think he would do right now.

"Derek, I truly have no idea what you're talking about. Can we go back at you and your dog problems?"  
  
At which, Derek sighs and runs his hand over his face.   
  
"Look, I don't want to force you. If you don't want to tell me, it's ok. I understand."  
  
Derek nods to himself and then adds:  
  
"I just want to you to know that whatever it is, you can talk to me."  
  
And that's when Stiles heart decides to do some kind of complicated twirl that leaves him breathless for a moment.  
  
And of course Derek hears it! Because it's just Stiles' luck that Derek seems to sense everything Stiles' body does those days! So of course Derek's frown deepens as he takes another step closer to Stiles, and there's just so much the boy can take.  
  
"Stiles, what-"  
   
"I have to go."  
  
It's been a good thing that Stiles have been able to avoid looking in Derek's eyes for so long, because as soon as the boy does the mistake of making eye contact with Derek, he realise they're so close he can almost count how many shades and colors are in the man's iris and this _needs to stop now_.  
  
So Stiles almost whispers a hurried:  
  
"School day. Tomorrow."  
  
Derek watches the boy carefully, studies his face for long moments (that feels like a decade if you ask Stiles).  
  
Stiles knows Derek heard the crack in his voice and his fast heartbeat, he knows Derek can smell anxiety on him, and he realises that Derek must know that Stiles is aware of it.  
  
"Ok."

The boy takes a tentatively step back, eyes still focused on Derek's. "Ok."  
  
There's a bit of silence during which they look at each other, unsure of where this conversation is going to lead. Because as much as Stiles'd appreciate a short nod and a goodbye wave from Derek as a salute, Derek never follows Stiles' plans. So of course the man breaks the silence and says: "I'll drive you home."  
  
_Like hell you'll do_ , Stiles thinks. What he voices is, instead:  
  
"I could use a walk."  
  
"I'm not letting you walk home alone."  
  
Stiles narrows his eyes at Derek. "I can and I will."  
  
Derek takes a deep breath, in and out, and then replies:  
  
"Let me rephrase it: I'm not going to let you walk home alone at this hour in your current state."  
  
It's just right then that Stiles realises there's no sunlight anymore and the sky outside the windows looks blue and cold.  
  
"My current state," Stiles mutters.  
  
"I don't know what's going on but if you don't want me to drive you, it's ok, then call you dad and ask him to," Derek pauses, and all at ones he looks the most tired Stiles have ever seen him, "-just, don't go alone. Please."  
  
Stiles feels he's not going to last long if Derek keeps talking and asking and caring - God, Stiles hates himself for even thinking about it. Stiles is too tired for this shit, he has to get out of Derek's place.   
  
But then Derek decides to add softly:  
  
"All I'm asking you is to stay safe."  
  
Just like that, instead of grabbing his phone and call his father, Stiles closes his eyes and snaps.  
  
"Stop it, Derek."  
  
Derek looks as much taken aback as Stiles feels. The boy opens his eyes slowly, taking good care of avoiding Derek at all. He takes another step back and runs his hands in his hair, "I can't belive I said it", he whispers.  
  
Stiles can feel Derek's eye on himself when he asks:  
  
"What was that?"

"Stop doing that", Stiles says as he tries to swallow around a knot that ties his throat. 

"Doing what."  
  
If Stiles had the courage to look at Derek, he would see something between panic and confusion blending on his face.  
  
The cap has been removed and now Stiles's mouth runs on it's own:  
  
"Asking me things, chatting with me, looking at me like I'm made of paper and I'm going to burn at any moment. Do I have to keep going?"  
  
Derek's lips turn into a thin line. He waits a few seconds he asks:  
  
"Am I bothering you?"  
  
And then Stiles would like to slap himself and Derek square on the face, because of course Derek would think he's the one doing something wrong when really, the only one who's doing it all wrong is Stiles.  
  
"No! I mean, it's ok if you do that with the others. It's good that your're changing the way you relate with the pack in a healthier way. It's awesome! Like, especially with Liam since his a newbie and all", Stiles keeps talking, gesturing widely with his hands to keep himself grounded," what I'm not okay with, is you doing it with me. And by d-doing it I mean the things I said before, n-not other kind of _things_ , but that's not the point. The point is, I would very much appreciate if you could go back to, uhm, how we used to be before Mexico."  
  
Derek looked at him, face blank and pale. "Why?"  
  
_Lie lie lie_. "Because I don't feel okay with it."  
  
Well, closer to the truth than he intended but okay.  
  
Derek nostrils flares. "Can I ask you why?"  
  
Stiles snorts and finally looks at Derek. "See? You're doing it again! You're actually talking to me nicely! No growls, no shoving, no 'shut up Stiles', nothing! You're showing interest in me and my freaking feelings and keep asking questions and you sounds like you actually care and I so don't need this in my life!"  
  
Derek blinks at him and all Stiles can think is ' _fuck fuck fuck I fucked it up so bad_ '.    
  
"You're telling me that... you don't want me to treath you... decently?", Derek askes clearly confused, his eye wide and his eyebrows knitted together.  
  
"YES!" Stiles shouts, then thinks about it and adds:  
  
"No, fuck, I didn't mean - crap."  
  
Stiles takes a deep breath, close his eyes tightly, and runs a hand on his face. There's just one way he can get away with this conversation without telling Derek about his feelings. Stiles hopes with his whole self Derek is going to just say 'ok' and nothing else, because Stiles is so tired he doesn't know how much else he can take.  
  
"Ok Derek, listen: forget about what I said, everything, you hear me? Just, forget it whole, I shouldn't - it's bullshit, ok? I'm tired and I don't know what I'm saying and we-"   
  
He looks at Derek and sights, and doesn't wait for Derek's answer, starting to move toward the front door.  
  
Just when Stiles is about to reach the handle, his back turned to Derek, the man says:  
  
"Ok."   
  
Stiles freezes. He stares blankly at the door for a second becuase he can't quite believe what the man just said, then looks at Derek from over his shoulder. "Ok?"  
  
"Yes, ok. I'm not going to insist if you don't want to talk to me. I'm sorry I did something that made you unconfortable. I hope we can talk about it when we're both in a better state of mind."  
  
Derek speaks slowly, pondering each word and keeping his tone calm and soothing. Stiles feels the physical need to kiss him.  
  
When Stiles spins around and march toward Derek, grabs him by his dirty, bloody shirt (more for support than to actually drag Derek down) and clash his lips against the other man's ones, Derek is so taken aback he stays tense and motionless untill Stiles lets go off his shirt and his lips.  
  
They're still close, barely inches apart from each other, when Stiles sighs, defeated.   
  
"I'm sorry Derek, don't punch me, I truly am. Shit, it's all my fault. This was such a bad idea, I'll leave you alone now."  
  
He rants, starting to walk backward while looking at an undefined point behind Derek's shoulder.  
  
Now Stiles _has_ to leave, doesn't want to stay and look at Derek disgusted or, even worse, compassionate face. He doesn't want to talk anymore, he just wants to go home and bury himself under the covers of his bed and never get out of it.  
  
Stiles doesn't have the time to turn his back at Derek again, because his feet are nailed to the floor as soon as he hears Derek speaking.  
  
"I'm -I'm seeing a psychotherapist."  
  
For a moment, the boy thinks that his ears has failed him. Derek? Sees a shrink? No way. Not in this time line.  
  
Derek, maybe catching Stiles disbelief, clears his throat and adds:  
  
"I am doing psychotherapy sessions."  
  
He's nervous, Stiles can hear it in his voice, and it sounds like it took him a great deal to tell Stiles. It can't be a lie, Derek can't be joking about something like this. Stiles waits a beat, letting the words sink in, and then turns to face Derek.  
  
"There's a doctor here in Beacon Hills -he knew my family very well and my parents tried to take me there after Paige but I... wasn't ready."  
  
"Oh", is the only, soft reply that escapes Stiles's mouth when he meet Derek's eyes.

Derek sighs like a huge burden has been taken off his back.

"Yeah. I started the session the week after I came back to Beacon Hills."   
  
"I... didn't know", Stiles breaths out.  
  
A small smile turns the corner of Derek's lips up and something akin to softness warms his expression, his eyes wanders while remembering.  
  
"Nobody here knows. The only person I talked about this was Cora."  
  
Stiles stays silent, because this time around he wants to hear everything Derek has to say.  
  
"I thought it was going to be a waste of time, but I had nothing to lose, so I gave it a try. After the first session I kept going back. He is very understanding."  
  
Derek shifts his eye back to Stiles.  
  
"He taught me the best way for me to begin relate with other people. He encouraged me to start with the people closer to me, so I did it."    
  
Ahhh, now Stiles understands. Now everything makes sense, and Stiles truly feels like shit.  
  
"Oh my God", he breaths out.  
  
The man keeps talking, raising both his eyebrows and never breaking the eye contact.   
  
"I found out you are the most difficult person to talk to."   
  
Derek has been on therapy. Derek is doing therapy to try and heal and learn and Stiles has been a spanner in the works (even if not on purpose).  _I'm such an asshole_ , Stiles thinks.  
  
"I'm such an asshole", he voices, looking at Derek with wide eyes.  
  
Derek gives him a brief, small smile and keeps talking.  
  
"You started noticing my attempts. I was afraid you were going to corner and out me. I was confused and frustrated because I didn't knew why you overreacted like that."  
  
Stiles looks at Derek feeling a dull sense of emptyness in his chest and all he wants to do is to cry.  
  
"I had no idea, I'm so-"  
  
Derek takes a deep breath. "I know it's going to take time and efford, but I think I'm ready to heal."  
  
He feels his eyes watering. "D-Derek, I'm so fucking sor-"  
  
"Did you mean it?"  
  
Derek is suddenly wearing his old stoic, blank expression on and Stiles is startled as he realises he didn't miss it at all.  
  
"Did I mean what?"  
  
"After you kissed me. Did you mean it when you said you were sorry and it was a bad idea?"  
  
Stiles feels like he's living in a nightmare, his already fast heartbeat speeds up further, and Derek (werewolf- actual wolf with wolf senses) _has_  to feel it loud and clear because he covers the distance between them with a couple of long strides.  
  
The boy sucks in a shallow breath and beat the inside of his cheeks. "Do I have to be completely honest?"  
  
Derek looks at him with the same expressionless face; Stiles looks back at the man, his neutral face and stiff shoulders, and realises how much he's missing the new Derek. The feeling gets even worse as Derek puts his fingers on the pulse on Stiles's neck and says:  
  
"I'm going to know if you lie. Make your choice."  
  
Stiles exalates shakily. Derek's fingers are a light grip on his neck; using the right amount of pressure he could snap it so easily, or stop his blood circulation, and yet Stiles feels calmer then before.  
  
There's no use in trying to escape, this is it, Stiles can feel it.  _Fuck it_ , he thinks, _I'm going to say it and I'm so going to regret it_. The boy tighten his lips and closes his eyes for a moment to recollect himself.  
  
"I meant that I was sorry for kissing you out of the blue and that was a bad idea to come here with you."  
  
Derek studies Stiles for a long moment.   
  
"Why was it a bad idea to come here with me?"  
  
The boy gives a small, sarcastic laugh. "Ah, for a lot of good reasons, really. Mostly because I don't trust myself around you when I'm tired, expecially when you act all... friendly and... talkative", Stiles says, struggling to find the words. He laughs at himself again, at the irony of the moment. Stiles lets his eyes roam across the apartment, lost in his own memories.  
  
"Ya know, it's been truly confusing watching you coming back from your honeymoon with Braeden and then realise you were changing in a non wolfish way. I started wondering what happened that made you start this change. I liked you even when you were just a sourwolf, and I'd made peace with myself it was always going to be like that between the two of us. But then I started to notice this and... I was weirded out. It freaked me out."   
  
Derek's voice makes Stiles wince.  
  
"You liked me?"  
  
The boy glances back at Derek, finding the man at least an inch closer then he'd previously registered. "Uh?"  
  
"You just said you liked me."  
  
Stiles blinks for a moment, in disbelief. _Derek can't be this cruel_ , the boy thinks, _but what if_... Stiles feels himself flushing, half because of the shame, half because a tiny hope that the conversation is leading where he doesn't let himself dream is blooming in his mind.  
  
"I... did."  
  
"What about now?"  
  
Stiles doesn't even register Derek's question: he's too busy admiring Derek's face transformation and the new, expectant expression. The glance Stiles throws at Derek is so confused that Derek takes pity of him and supplies:  
  
"Do you like, uh, who I'm becoming?"  
  
It may or not may be due to the progressive lack of oxigen in his brain, but Stiles thinks he sees a light blush rising on Derek's face and coloring his cheeks of a lovely shade of pink. Stiles is so lost for this man it's not even funny.  
  
"Well, yeah, of course."  
  
It may or not may be due to his rising temperature that causes him hallucinations, but Stiles thinks he sees a small smile spreading across Derek's lips. Perhaps Derek is even closer than before and the hand that was previously sensing his pulse on his neck is now curling on the back of Stiles's neck, but Stiles may be just dreaming all of this from the safety of his bed-  
  
"So, the whole hyperventilating, the tachycardia, the sweating, the smell of anxiety and fear everytime I talked to you, the avoiding me was because...?"  
  
_There's no way Derek doesn't know the answer by now_ , Stiles reasons in his mind, _I must reek of whatever attraction smells like.  
  
_ "Because I liked you and I was sure you didn't like me back and I was afraid I was going to give it away."  
  
Before he even realises it, he and Derek are chest to chest, and it has to be a wonderfully vivid hallucination because Stiles thinks he can feel Derek's breath on his lips.  
  
"You're still so sure I don't like you?", Derek asks, making their noses touch softly.  
  
Stiles feels Derek's body heat right here against his own body, so tempting and attainable. He gives in and tentatively rests his hands on Derek's hips.   
  
"Positive. I think I'm experiencing an iperrealistic illusion right now."  
  
When he doesn't feel Derek going rigid under his touch, Stiles laces his hands behind Derek's back.  
  
The man reachs for Stiles's waist with his other hand. "Mh, is there anything I can do to convince you otherwise?"  
  
Stiles still doesn't believe it's really happening. He pulls his head back just enough so he can look at Derek properly.  
  
"Derek, why are you doing this?"  
  
There's no accusations nor burdens in his voice, just wonder and disbelief.  
  
The man sighs, a serious expression on his face.   
  
"After what happened in Mexico, Braeden made me realise that my place was here, in Beacon Hills. But she made me doubt about the reason why. It took me months to understand."  
  
There are a lot of things that still has to be said between the two of them, Stiles and Derek both know. But right now, Stiles just wants to enjoy the moment.  
  
"Are up for another kiss? Because if you'd like to, I think a kiss would do the job."  
  
"A kiss, and then I'm going to bring you home because tomorrow is a school day", Derek answers, and Stiles can hear the smile in his voice as clearly as he can feel himself relaxing into Derek's hold.   
  
The boy huffs jokingly.  
  
"Fine! But I'm pretty sure I deserve a real kiss, not some vanilla eskimo thing."  
  
Stiles can feel the Derek's smiling against his cheek and the boy thinks he could die on the spot and be happy with it.  
  
"You've got youself a deal."


End file.
